the gym

Well I finally started going to the gym. Tomorrow will be day 3. We havent been to much yet, just Aqua Fit! But its great, and a great work out. My goal is to lose as much weight as I can in 2 months! Because we are going to Nickelback in June. I want to wear my nice dress and actually look good in it! I have a pair of Capri's that I havent been able to wear since I moved to Kamloops. I can almost fit them, but not yet. They are a size 16. Then hopefully by the end of summer i can wear my sun dress, that is a size 13!! I bought it when I lived in Airdrie! So that proves how much weight I have gained in 3 years. I will keep updating...My starting weight is 210 lbs! I am recording this for myself...not for people to judge me. I will post it once a week...:)

Oh how i miss you

Meesh!!

A year ago today...well I guess yesterday now I met Heather at work! Who knew how close we would be! She is such an amazing friend. We had a great day, with some fun pictures!! love ya Hezzy!!

The Little Things!

Some things that get me through the day. Even though they are little things!

1. Waking up to my kitties!

2. Charlie always wanting to sit and cuddle with me, and only me! He's my little kitty

3. Hearing my hunny's voice every day on the phone!

4. Ice Tea Lemonaide from Starbucks!!

5. Talking to my buddy Heather every day. She always calls to see how my day is going!

6. Blogging, and reading other blogs!!

7. Being confident inm yself, and not letting my depression get the worst of me!

8. Chatting on MSN

9. Facebook!! Soo addicted!!

10. Talking to my mom everyday!! Havent seen her since July. I miss her tons:(

I know they are little things, but they are my little things in my every day life. My kitties are the best, and they love me so much! Buddy is my 15 lbs grey tabby! And Charlie is my little tabby! He has been a great little guy. They have definitly helped me get through every day.

My hunny makes so many things better. Just hearing his voice, makes me know things will be ok. I can't wait to actually be with him forever. He lives in Campbell River, so I don't get to see him. But I talk to him every day!

People know me at starbucks! Im sure they know what I order too. Depending on the day, I get a Vanilla Latte or a White Chocolate Mocha...Or a Venti Ice Tea Black Lemonaide! mmm soo good!!

I have known Heather almost a year now. We met at work, and have been friends ever since! She has been there for me this whole time after losing my job and everything! She is a great friend! Meesh!!!

I am addicted to reading blogs! As most of you. Kelly's Korner is one of my faves!! She is awesome and so inspiring!

Anyways Just thought I would do a quick post! Hope everyone is well:) Leave some comments if you read my blog!! Be nice to see who is reading, and see where you are all from:)

interviews

I am on the verge of getting kicked out of my house! My roomate is an asshole and hasnt paid me rent in almost 2 months! I am going to have to kick him out if he doesnt pay! It would be so nice to have my house back!! Well I got 2 phone calls today for interviews! One is for home support! I would love to do that. But do I tel them what happened? Or just leave it all out? I also have an interview at subway. I could work at subway in the morning, and Home Support in the evening! Things are starting to look up! YAY me

still hanging in there..

Well I am still here, almost running out of patients. People who know me, know I have a lot of patients. Everything was working so well for me. I had my career, my friends, my apartment. I had everything going for me, and all because of a couple people, that had nothing better to do, other then try and get someone fired, ruined it for me. I hope they are happy that they got their way. Hope their happy that they got me fired, and ruined everything for me. But you know what...Life goes on. One day I will be ok, happy. And I hope I will have someone to come home to every night. Right now I feel so lost and depressed. All I can ask for are good friends to be here for me! I believe everything happens for a reason, maybe it will all come together. I hope so anyways.

a sign everything's going to be OK!!

Well I have been through a lot this past month. The other day I lost it...I wanted to give up, and walk away from everything. I have been screwed over by work, I didn't get EI, because of work. I just wanted to quit. So I sat down one day, and asked for a sign that everything will be ok. The next day...I met him! We are perfect for each other, he is something I have been waiting for all my life. We want the same things in life, same morals, everything. Since meeting him...I have had a huge boost, and motivated to move on. His encoureging words make me get through my day! I can't wait to see what the future holds! I truely do believe tho that he was a sign, and couldn't have come in a better time!! He's perfect for me. I now know...everything will be OK!!!

Your in my thoughts

I have a friend in Vancouver that was beaten in a back alley by her so called boyfriend. They don't know where he is. But she is in the hospital with injury's to her face. Her dad says her face is caved in, and will need work to fix it. Lets hope they find this bastard that did it to her! http://www.ctvbc.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20100202/bc_alley_attack_100202/20100202/?hub=BritishColumbiaHome

I need to Vent!

Well I have lost my job. They wrongfully accused me of abuse and neglect to the residents. I don't know where to start or end, But I am so sick of the BS. People make me so mad. Residents have the right to refuse care. I had a resident refuse care all day on me, there was nothing I could do, or say for her to agree with me. The last time I attempted care on her she got really aggitated. Just before lunch my boss came up and seen the state she was in, and helped me get her ready...2 days later I was fired. I wasnt able to explain myself, she just laughed in my face, told me I was a bad care aide and I was dangerous. While the whole time she was helping me, she was rough with the resident, yelling at her and everything. We had her up in the life, and it was pushing on her head, and the resident told her to stop, because she was hurting her. My manager told her to quit complaining and listen to her...AND I GET FIRED FOR ABUSE! BULLSHIT!! I wouldn't do anything to hurt anybody, even my worst enemy, it's just not me. If I am such a bad care aide, then why the hell to my old residents...WHO HAVE DEMENITA!! Light up when they even hear my name?? Tell me that. There is so much abuse going on right now, so many bad care aides, that shouldnt have gotten their certificate that are still there. So now I need to get my name cleared...But I don't know where to start. I want to file a complaint against my manager...But I don't know how...UGH I am so stuck, and still in shock! I just don't get this world these days:(

My Loves

I have so many special people in my life! I am happy!

Happy for once!

Well I am finally happy in life...And I'm single!! Ahh I love it. I have met an awesome friend...she is like my long lost twin!! We work the same shift, and have the same days off together. So we are pretty much always together! I haven't really been single in a long time, and now i know what I was missing. I have met a few guys here and there. But im not interested at all. I am totally enjoying myself, and my freetime! I don't really talk to Travis very much anymore. He's a loser haha!! Shh I didn't say that. Just not my type of guy. Such a momma's boy. Not good to hate your mother in Law! So im glad it didn't work out! I can do much better!

I am moving to a newer bigger place at the end of this month, and im gonna have a little party with my "friends" YAY i can't wait!!

Work sucks, and I don't get paid enough for what I do. Don't get my wrong, I absolutly love my job...but not the place I work at. There is so much BS. It sucks! Anyways I'm gonna post some pictures...If anyone still reads my blog, let me know!?

Moving??

Today my heart is really set on going home where I belong! I don't have anyone in Kamloops anymore. Travis doesnt talk to me, I feel free! and I can do what ever I want. And right now my heart is really telling me to move home to Mission! I have all my friends and family there. It's home to me! And always will be. I have a few things to look into, then I will make my decision. I need someone to teach me how to drive for one thing. I'm sure I will find someone, and I need a full time job so I can support myself! Ahh I can't wait. Right now I feel this is the best thing I can do! Wish me luck!!

it's been a while.

Well It's been a while since I wrote here. Cause everyone that reads my blog I talk to. Summer has been going pretty good. I went camping in Quesne for 10 days with my family, and got to see my mom. I got a ton of pics that I will put up. The weather was great, and I got burned like crazy, but a nice tan afterwards. My cousins got me drunk the first night...I don't drink much so it was fun, and I knew when to stop.

The weather in Kamloops has been scorching! 30 degrees all the time. Even when it rains it's hot. But it's worth it. I love it here! Tomorrow I get to go to Salmon Arm with my family! I can't wait. It's gonna be nice weather for it! Then back to work on Friday for 4 days, then 6 days next week.

I FINALLY got my Learners today! Now i can start driving!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY by next summer I will have my own car and drive anywhere I want! WOO HOO I can't wait!

my new bud!

Well things are going ok, living on my own and stuff. I got a new buddy! I love him to pieces! His name suits him! He is a 1.5 yr old cat, that LOVES to talk, and snuggle when im sitting down. Everywhere I go, he's always right behind me. I'm so happy I made up my mind and got myself a cat.

life

Well I haven't blogged in a while, Just kind of lost interest I guess. I doubt many people read it anyway. Things have been pretty good around here. I am settled into my new place! It sucks waking up with no one beside you, I think thats the hardest part. Coming home to an empty house! But we are doing OKAY! I see Travis a lot, we spend our days off together pretty much. My neighbor is amazing! She bakes and cooks for me! The other night she made mini pies, and meat pies! I got some of thoes. I have a lot in my freezer too, but their not mine! She borrowed my freezer because she didn't have anymore room in hers lol.

I have somehow been losing a lot of weight. I am not going by what I actually weigh, because that vary's throughout the day, so I don't know what to go by...I know right after you get up in the morning, and after you pee...I have been fitting into all my old clothes. I feel a lot better too.

Work has been going okay. One resident scares the shit out of me! And he knows it, he follows me around with a blank stare, ready to snap. My last 4 shifts he has attacked someone! One day it will be one of the RCA's, and we WILL get hurt! He is a huge man. He is scary when he's mad...but such a nice guy tho. I feel bad, because he was never like this in his normal life. I would never want dementia, it turns you into something u never were, it's pretty sad.

I got to see Jason and Ashley and the kids a couple weeks ago! They are sure getting big! I talked to my mom a few times after what happened. I still can't believe she did that, and ya...Im still pissed! I just don't understand how someone could do that, Especiall a mother! Oh well

anyways im gonna go get ready and go for a walk, It's about 25 outside right now!!

Trust?

Well it took a long time to build my moms trust back, after what she has done. So many little things. I trusted her, and I trusted Ross. I trusted they have changed, and would not screw me over. But i was wrong:( Yesterday my mom told me that she has had my name in her hydro since October. She used all my information to set up an account. I can't trust her, I don't even want to talk to her. I am done with getting hurt! So there is an outstanding balance on the account, that i have to pay if she doesn't, and if she doesn't pay it, it will screw my credit up. I just wish I had a normal mom that would take care of me! Especially during a hard time like now. But sometimes it seems i wish for to much:(

this is it

Well this is it. I am moving out at the end of the month, and me and Travis are no more! I don't know what to do or think right now though. I am heartbroken and lost. But I AM STRONG and can get through this again, and again and again. Well it seems like it anyway. I found a 1 bedroom apartment on the north shore, and it's close to everything. Cross the street and you have extra food, shoppers, the gym, McDonald's and a bunch more stuff. Once I move out things will get better! I hope anyways. I have been working a lot, and that seems to keep my mind off things. But lately its been a gong show. They fired one of my co workers and keep forgetting to schedule someone to work for her. So yesterday no one came in, and i ended up doing pretty much all 13 residents myself. I am tired but today is my Friday!!

The end

Well I guess i should let the world know...Travis and I broke up...well are breaking up. Either him or I will move out at the end of April. This is one of the hardest things ever. The worse pain ever is a broken heart! I have nothing else to write. Maybe a miracle will happen and things will work out. I doubt it though. One day I will meet my prince charming, who loves me for me! I will update more in a bit!

Some stuff...clean house!

Well Travis' mom was here for 5 days...FUN! She cleaned our house from top to bottom, did all our laundry, and made us a huge turkey dinner...We have enough turkey to have a whole big dinner again. It's so nice tho, our house is spotless!! I love it, and have been keeping up with it. Travis and I have had a rough patch in our relationship. Had a scary day the other day...Everything turned out ok though. For whoever reads my blog, i posted a couple links on the right side of babies that need our prayers...or thoughts. Little Harper was born with pneumonia. She was in the hospital for 20 days. She's so cute! Then Braydon was born with fluid on his lungs I think...He is home and doing better also. And baby Jonah was born with a rare skin condition. So if u want, take a look and pass them on. Hope everyone is doing ok!

Thank you!

Today I was having a bad day, cleaning up the house and everything. I am really frustrated, I have taken my L twice now and failed both times. I want to be able to drive, I hate leaning on other people. Travis knows how frustrated I am with it. I was almost in tears today cause i was so frustrated. Till Travis hugged me, and thanked me...I asked him why he thanked me...He said for being you!! Then I almost cried! Finally someone will stick by my side, and love me for who I am. Sure sometimes he's a dork, but a fun dork! And I love him. Just those little words made my day so much better. Travis I love you, and thank you for putting up with me!!